


So Eden Sank to Grief

by thegoodthebadandthenerdy



Series: Femslash Feb 2018 [12]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash February, Femslash February 2018, First Dates, First Meetings, Pre-Relationship, it goes backwards so, so so much im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 10:06:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodthebadandthenerdy/pseuds/thegoodthebadandthenerdy
Summary: Clarisse had always wanted a chance - and wanting a chance seemed to mean that she wanted battle.Femslash Feb Day 12: "Rewind"





	So Eden Sank to Grief

**Author's Note:**

> i'm allowed one angsty fic per writing event so heres that in full force
> 
> title from robert frost's nothing gold can stay

iii. 

Clarisse had always wanted battle.

No, that wasn't right.

From the time she stepped foot in Camp, she'd wanted a chance.

A chance to prove herself.

A chance to make her father proud. Even if she didn't care what he thought of her, she did. Even if she hated him until she was blue in the face and tears were streaming from her eyes as she shouted at the pantheon above her, she wanted his pride. 

Clarisse had always wanted a chance - and a chance seemed to mean that she wanted battle.

In her mind, battlefields were sprawling green landscapes being trampled by booted feet of highly trained people. They were singed around the edges, but free and clear for the deadly chess match to take place.

But here-

Battlefields popped up all around her; down famous avenues, in between Mom and Pop shops, slicing through roads, sectioning off the troops in uneven, horrifically familiar territory.

And the armies - they weren't booted feet on the grass and trained eyes. They were children - they were her friends, her family-

Smoke billowed up around them, wreckage was twisted from metal and wood and paint flecks. It was suffocating, it was wicked, it was sinking into her skin as a weight she'd never shake.

There was no glory here, there was no pride to be found. This was fear and destruction and so, so much pain.

But she kept moving. She let her own be the booted feet, and she imagined grass in the cracks of the concrete, if only to have something driving her ahead.

She didn't even mean to find it, stumbled upon the scene, the conglomeration of bodies both human and not, by happenstance. She'd wanted to find someone with a plan - Annabeth or an Athena kid alike, an adult, _someone_ who could send her where she needed to be. She'd wanted weapons, _armor_ , something more than cargo shorts and a Camp shirt with the sleeves cut off in jagged strings of fabric.

But instead she found this:

The people she cared about most strewn across the asphalt, red splotching their lips, their skin, their eyes. She choked down a sob and moved faster until she realized she was in the thick of it. She'd made a wrong turn - now, or just in life, and found blade against blade against throat and life.

Children - because that's all they all were, children, most shy of eighteen by months or a year - fighting tooth and nail, but tooth and nail not being enough.

Monsters rising around her, demented pop-up books that blinded her every degree of vision.

And then this:

A fleet of Ares-aligned chariots. Full of heads of hair she'd tousles in early mornings, sets of eyes she'd looked into countless times, slanted mouths that had made her laugh and made her cry and made her feel.

But also, this:

A familiar chariot was in the lead, thundering toward a, no, _the_ drakon. A familiar suit of blood red armor, a familiar boar's helm and electric coated spear, a familiar posture and voice and pair of crystalline blue eyes.

Clarisse felt her knees buckle, but she managed to stay upright, somehow - was this her punishment? She looked on, frozen in horror, disguted with herself for not moving a muscle, but unable to make her body cooperate. 

It was that voice, that voice so high, but so determined, that kicked her body into overdrive.

It was the poison from the monster's mouth that finally allowed her to release a ragged scream that tore all the way up and out of her throat. It was staggeringly gutteral, from somewhere deep inside her she hadn't even known existed.

She screamed again as she broke through the crowd, this time words, the only ones she could think of, stocked with pain and sealed in hot unsurety.

Scrambling ever closer, she slid the last few inches on her knees, tearing the skin to shreds. She was so uncaring of every feeling in her own body she didn't even notice the pain.

Tugging the helm off and hauling the other girl's head into her lap, her face finally betrayed everything inside her chest.

"'Lina," she pushed out. "Hey, hey, look at me."

Silena Beauregard owlishly blinked her blue eyes up at her girlfriend. Her hijab nestled quietly around her cheeks, she looked almoat like she had the first time Clarisse had laid eyea on her. But no, that wasn't right, because now the fabric was unwavering as tears streamed freely from her eyes and sank into the cloth.

"Go," Silena murmured. "Destiny."

"I'm not leaving you- I won't do it," Clarisse insisted, shaking her head as tears flooded from her scrunched up eyes. 

"It's okay," Silena said, her voice riding the wind. "I'll wait for you."

"Silena, please, don't do this."

They'd sat like this so many times. In the Aphrodite cabin surrounded by her siblings, on the beach, at the campfire, but never had Clarisse pictured it quite like this.

"Go."

And so Clarisse did. Reluctantly, angrily, heartshatteringly, she did.

But she came right back, falling to her knees once more. There was drakon matter spattered all over her and her skin itched and her eyes _hurt_ but she came back, like she'd always promised, like she'd do again, and again, and again.

"You stupid Aphrodite girl," Clarisse heaved - or was it a beg? Was she begging for more seconds in tender jibes?

Then:

That'a not true, that'a not true, "That's not _true_.

A charm falls from Silena's trembling hand.

"Luke was always so kind to me - but he lied…he lied…he hurt so many people. I didn't know until-" she waa breat so hard. "Until it was too late. Charlie…."

Clarisse shook her head again, forcefully enough that the bandana around her hair slid farther down her sweat-slicked forehead.

"Clarisse," she said, implored, _begged_. "Forgive me."

"You're not- you're _not_."

"I am. It's okay, 'Ris."

"You _can't_ , you can't! We still have so much to do- I've got plans for your eighteenth. I've got your present under my bunk, and dinner reservations. I was-" she finally broke, her words no longer words, just this sounds of anguish that she hated herself for. "I was finally going to get my sorry ass together and tell you I love you," she sobbed, and somehow, somehow Silena understood. "Because I do, I love you so much."

She smiled, and it was real, it wasn't pained or weary, it was soft and it was a whisper of days past, and she managed to get her hand out of Clarisse's desth grip and high enough to brush her tear spattered cheek. "I love you too, Clarisse."

"Don't say that, not here. Here it means goodbye and I'm not ready for goodbye, Beauregard."

"Charlie," Silena whispered, her eyes glazing over. "I can see Charlie."

Clarisse roared when the light was stripped from Silena's eyes, pulling her to her chest in one last embrace. 

This was never how it was supposed to be.

All she'd ever wanted was a chance-

ii.

Clarisse was, surprisingly enough, a morning person. She liked to rise with the sun and move about her day with it at her horizon. 

Usually, her days were filled with chores around camp, settling intra-cabin debates, training, whatever she could lend herself to that was productive. Because if she loved one thing more than early rising, it was productivity.

Today, however, was one that she'd reserved for following Fate's string wherever it decided to guide her.

She found the sun, as she usally did, just peeking out in the west. It seemed to wink at her - though, knowing Apollo, that might be something he'd taught it to do - before returning to its ascent.

She'd headed off for the bathrooms before any of her siblings could interrogate her, a toiletry bag dotted with skulls - contents completely unknown to her - tucked under one arm, and her regular, plain black bag under the other.

When she got to the bathroom, she dropped the bag on the sink and started rifling through it. She found no less than four plastic travel bottles of various liquids, a vial of perfume that bore bold instructions on a string around the cap, pore strips, and other additions that puddled at the bottom of the bag. The chocolate drachma glinting in the middle of the loose hairties and fresh tubes of chapstick was a nice touch.

Adding her hair brush, floss, toothbrush and paste, nail file, and tweezers to the mixture, she figured she'd had it all covered. Every contingency plan was in place - it was time for war.

By the time she stepped out of the shower, her skin was notably not covered in stains, her face was smooth enough to incite an Aphrodite cabin riot, and her hair smelled vaguely of blueberries - which was a wholly different experience from her usual kiwi, but not unwelcome.

Over the course of the next half hour she slathered her calloused hands in lotion, scrubbed her teeth until she accidentally poked herself in the gum and wept blood, and smoothed out her ragged nails while her hair dried.

Her hair was a whole other story. It sat pin straight against her back while and once it dried, hanging in its usual free flowing style. 

Today was something new, she'd declared, and so that wasn't to be betrayed. She cobbled her hair back and clumsily, with what little precision she could muster, she painstakingly recreated the loops of the French braid she'd been taught by Drew.

Finally, after all was said and done, Clarisse examined her work in the smudged mirror in front of her.

It wasn't all that different from what usually stared back at her, actually. She just looked…smooth around the edges. Her hair was tamed and pulled back so the shape of her face and the fullness of her eyes was visible, her skin was pleasently scrubbed clean, and while undetectable by the mirror, she smelled pretty fan-freaking-tastic.

It was good.

She looked good.

And if there was one thing she'd been taught by all the time spent loitering around the Aphrodite cabin - in some cases, feeling good with yourself is the first step to conquering the world.

And if she needed that any day, it was today.

With one final touch - a bandana the exact same as her signature one, though this one new and fresh - slipped over her head, she was done.

By the time she got back to her cabin, all her siblings had woken and began their day. This, of course, meant questioning her every move.

It was her youngest brother who finally sighed from where he was pouring over his favorite book at the head of his bed, and graciously gave them all the bait.

"She has her first date with Silena today!" he cried, which sent all the older kids into an absolute frenzy around him as he hunkered down farther with his book.

"Thank you for that," Clarisse deadpanned, batting away good-natured hands tugging gently at her hair and words of slight teasing. 

There were no words that could stop them, she knew that for the cold hard fact that it was, and thus was more than happy to slip away unnoticed once the first bickering match popped up.

The moment she was back out in the sun, with the expanses of Camp around her, all neon green grass and electric blue sky - an oversaturated Technicolor to her already bright gaze - she felt the nausea rise in the back of her throat.

She was doing this, she was really doing this-

No.

She was _doing this_.

Because she adored Silena, because she admired her bravery and her strength, her kindness and the fearless way she carried herself.

She squashed her nerves down, leaving the enough room to breath, but not enough to speak their minds.

With her head held high and her chin straight, Clarisse bested the gaping maw of Camp's lawn and found herself by the Aphrodite cabin. She spotted Drew and reluctantly padded over - they were on good enough terms for Silena's sake, but enough time of being somewhat rivals meant their relationship still had a bitter aftertaste.

"LaRue," Drew greeted with the tilt of her head. "Be good to my sister or I'll break you, yadda yadda, honestly, I think it's more intimidating for me to just show you what I've learned to do with a dagger," she said, producing the aforementioned weaponry from seemingly nowhere and idly twirling it about her hand.

"Impressive," Clarisse ceded, watching the demonstration with a spark of pride behind her eyes.

"All right, that's done then. Silena's over at the Demeter cabin," Drew finally relinquished.

"Thanks, Drew."

Drew nodded, stuffing her knife back from whence it came - apparently, her waistband. Clarisse'd need to ask the Hephaestus kids what kind of sheaths they were supplying the Aphrodite kids with next time she got the chance.

Setting off once again, this time for the greener pastures of the Demeter cabin, Clarisse gave her nerves no time to climb. She thought over the summer reading project she had to complete for school - there was still plenty of time to complete it, but nothing was more mind-numbing and distracting than a summer reading project.

She arrived at Demeter's cabin to find four - no, five - campers crouched in the dirt, parsing through mounds of dirt, shooots and blooms in peat moss holders beside each of them.

Katie was at the forefront, helping one of the younger, unclaimed campers plant whatever small crop was beside the pair.

The twins were respectively one and two spaces down, and at the far end was Silena. 

The knees of her jeans had to have been crusted with dirt, much like the cuffs of her shirt where they rested around her wrists. She turned tot he twin beside her - Clarisse never could tell them apart - and said something, the barest edge of her hijab ending and the dimple of her cheek beginning.

Clarisse felt her heart stammer in her chest. With one final, deep inhale, she moved toward Silena, purpose in every step.

Standing behind her, Clarisse cleared her throat, hands figeting at her sides.

Silena's head whipped around and an immediate smile planted itself on her lips. "Hey!" she chirped, brushing her hands off on the thigh of her jeans. Hand prints smeared behind, and briefly, Clarisse entertained the thought that she hadn't ever seen Silena less than perfectly put together, and that it was kind of nice.

"Hey," Clarisse replied, rocking unsteadily on her heels.

They eyed each other for a momwnt before Silena's smile fell. "It's two, isn't it?" she asked, her cheeks reddening.

"Yeah," Clarisse said, a breathy laugh pushing against the roof of her mouth.

It was like that one word kicked her into complete overdrive. She rocketed to her feet, suddenly all that swam in Clarisse's vision. 

"I'm _so_ sorry, I promised Katie I'd help out teaching to unclaimed campers basic gardening skills, and I guess time got away from me-"

"Hey, it's okay," Clarisse laughed again. "We're not really on a time crunch here."

"I-" she paused, her eyes having glanced down and caught on her dirt-swathed appearance. "I need to go change," she said sheepishly. "Can I meet you by the Big House in ten minutes?" 

Clarisse nodded, a small smile curling across her mouth. "I'll see you then."

"Okay, okay," she said, the last word falling under her breath. "Hey, did you do you something different with your hair?"

"Uh, yeah, actually." Now it was Clarisse's turn to blush.

"I like it," Silena 

Clarisse reached up and brushed at the streak of dirt across Silena's face, marvelling at how she ever got this chance.

"Me too."

i.

Clarisse sat alone at the campfire. Her new siblings had yet to arrive, but even still, she'd probably still be in her same situation. She hadn't gotten off on the right foot with any of them, and didn't particularly want to try to mend it at the moment.

For her first day at a supposedly wondrous camp, it'd been pretty crappy. She'd been claimed, but by the wrong cabin, if the looks she garnered were any indication, her new siblings had been overwhelming to say the very least, she'd done the wrong thing at dinner, apparently, and to top it all off, now she was sitting alone in the middle of a sea of people all clumped together.

With her face rested in her hands, and a frown to her mouth, she watched the fire lick higher and higher, waiting for it to be over so she could just go to bed.

"Can I sit?" a light voice asked, but there was already a presence dropping down to her right, so she saw now reason in answering.

"I'm Silena Beauregard," the voice replied, and Clarisse finally turned to face her visitor.

A kind face shrouded half in shadows from being faced away from the fire and half in cloth smiled softly at her. With sparkling blue eyes, and warm brown skin, the girl looked all too kind to find herself next to Clarisse in her decidedly low state.

"Clarisse LaRue," she finally huffed back.

"When'd you get to Camp, Clarisse LaRue?"

"Today," Clarisse replied in her clipped tone.

"Oh," Silena said softly. "Have you not been claimed, then?" she asked. "Because it takes some time-"

"No, I've been claimed," Clarisse spat. "Ares," she supplied after a tense second.

"That's great!" Silena said, unfurling a wide, too-big for her face grin.

"I guess. Everything kinda went down hill after that, as you can see," she said, motioning to her sparse surroundings. "No siblings, no friends."

"Don't worry about it, it just takes some time to get settled in, y'know? And that's not true, by the way."

"What isn't?" Clarisse asked in confusion.

"I'm your friend." She straightened her posture and puffed herself up, inflecting as much confidence as she could into both her words and her body language.

Clarisse let out a surprised laugh. 

She liked her chances with this girl by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr @desertrosetico !!


End file.
